dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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