when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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