put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
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drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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