So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
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She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
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Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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