Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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