Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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