I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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