You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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