I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
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I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
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she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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