I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
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i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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