did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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