Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize