How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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