i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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