You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
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The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
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If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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