We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
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Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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