so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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