I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
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"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
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See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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