Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize