Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize