I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
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I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
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I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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