I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize