I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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