Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
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I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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