Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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