Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
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Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
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Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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