i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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