I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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