i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize