I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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