mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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