i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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