Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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