I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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