bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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