went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
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i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
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Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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