I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
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Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
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Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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