Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize