so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize