and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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