a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
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I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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