my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
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