I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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