She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize