if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
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The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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