I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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