Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
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I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
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I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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