:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
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The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
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You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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