If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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