shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
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While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
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So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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