thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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